She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Randomize
