The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Randomize
