Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
