Nicole vs. Life
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
