Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
