What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
