we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
