he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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