My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize