he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I need to wash the frat house off of me
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
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