I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
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