Your dad touched me again.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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