I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize