I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Randomize
