This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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