I wish I could punch you in the face.
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
