Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
