Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Randomize
