i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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