There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
