Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Randomize
