I just pynch a tree in the face
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Randomize