FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
