We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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