no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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