you guys were way drunker than both of me
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
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