I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
We're too hungover to prance.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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