farters have to be the big spoon...
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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