I met the friendliest cop last night
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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