batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
