i permit you to call me
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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