They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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