I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Ladies don't puke and tell
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
