Do you still have your period?
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
