What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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