Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize