he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
