Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize