I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
