My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
