i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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