The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Randomize
