Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
He passed out mid-signature
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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