So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
