Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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