im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
