woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
