I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
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