Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
She even gives head with a lisp.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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