This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
