And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
