There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Non-Jews are for practice
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
