i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
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