I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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