dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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