I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
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