in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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