jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
where does the pee come out of this thing
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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