meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
