too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
