Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
