It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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