pedialite and red bull = repair kit
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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